A Few Favorite Things

A Christmas Eve Watchlist

Photo by Mike Blank on Unsplash

It’s Christmas Eve! We made it people. With the threat of nuclear war hanging in the background of our weekly news, an economy on the brink, and a cold front that plunged most of us in America into the negatives. But we’re here. Existence is a miracle. We get to be together right now, to try to do something in the world. A blip in the void, but a meaningful one. I’m grateful.

And I’m especially grateful for a few special films and books I’ve been reading over the last two weeks. Instead of Hallmark movies I’ve plunged into the dark side (big surprise), and let me just say that Christmas and horror work. There’s something about taking such a beautiful time of year, and mixing it with the strange brains of, oh I don’t know, Guillermo del Toro, Joe Hill, and Haley Z. Boston?

Because I’ve already broadly recommended The Cabinet of Curiosities on here, I’ll hold off on The Outside, (episode 4 for the curious). And believe me, it’s a goody. I’ll start with a new to me discovery. It’s NOS4A2, by Joe Hill. If you didn’t know, Stephen and Tabatha King have three children, and it’s no surprise that one of them writes horror. What is a surprise is just how imaginative and captivating his stories are.

I read this at the beginning of the year and now that the circle of time is closing in on the end, I’d like to extend the recommendation to you.

First the title — NOS4A2 — yes, as in vampires, but no, not the usual kind.

The book tells the story of Charlie Manx, a convicted kidnapper who abducts children to take them to Christmasland, a land where Christmas never ends and you never have to go home or grow old or be unhappy. There’s just one catch: it exists in his mind and the only way to get there is in his old 1938 Rolls-Royce Wraith. The one with the NOS4A2 plate.

His world is turned upside down when Vic McQueen discovers that she has a power, one that she uses to find lost things. She can blink out of the world as we know it with the help of her bicycle and an old bridge that can transport her wherever she needs to go within moments. It’s all fun and games until one day she stumbles upon Manx.

She barely escapes his grips, the only child to make it out of Christmasland, and grows up questioning her own sanity. The story follows Vic from childhood into motherhood, where she finds herself battling against Charlie Manx again, but this time it’s to save her own son.

I love, love, loved this story. And now, 9 years after it was first published, there’s a show with Zachary Quinto (Sylar, from Heroes) playing Charlie Manx, and Ashleigh Cummings playing Vic McQueen. I haven’t seen the show (on AMC) but the book was captivating, terrifying, and had such a unique premise, I fell in love. I think you will too.

And then there’s Pinocchio

A couple of days ago I decided to watch this with my kids. It looked imaginative and visually stunning, but I honestly wasn’t sure there was much that could be added that we haven’t already seen. I think off the top of my head I’ve seen three Pinocchio movies, one of them foreign (sorry, I can’t remember the language), and only one of them worth remembering. That was the Disney one of course.

I remember being so scared and captivated by this movie when I was so little. The scenes of the carnival where he’s getting cigarettes stuffed into his mouth have always stuck with me. And Jiminy Cricket just couldn’t be beat.

But let me tell you, Guillermo del Toro and his team of incredible animators worked on this movie for years, and it shows in the craftsmanship. Not only that, but the story is elevated to something that works for adults and children, a quality that I find hard to match in my house. My kids sat totally transfixed (and they watch enough TV to not always care about what’s on). I wasn’t tempted to pick up my phone even once. And the scenes of the afterlife were jaunting.

The blue fairy in the afterlife. Do you see what I mean? It’s beautiful.

They made me think. If you’ve been holding off because you don’t want to watch yet another remake of the classic story, give it a try. At the very least the visuals are worth it.

And last, but not least, The Outside.

Okay you guys. I have to throw this into my Christmas watch list because it’s seasonally appropriate. When Stacey finally gets invited to a coworker’s exclusive Secret Santa party, she thinks the cards have finally fallen into place. She’s in, a part of the group of gossipy women at the bank who she’s always longed to fit in with. But when a gift exchange goes wrong, she ends up feeling more rejected than ever.

She has her holiday lights up, her tree is decorated, but something’s missing. Until Alo Glo offers her the solution to all her problems. A potent cream used by all the girls at work she longs to be like, Alo Glo offers true transformation from the inside out. She orders a box and rubs it on as prescribed, but has a severe allergic reaction. For weeks she stays home from work, skin bright red and peeling.

Her husband begs her to stop, tells her she’s perfect the way she is. But Stacey will stop at nothing to finally be beautiful. It’s grotesque, interesting, and hard to look away. An effective embodiment of the monstrous side of consumerism and the self-improvement industry, Alo Glo takes over Stacey’s life until it has consumed every part of her.

From the inside out.

The aesthetic is a great seventies throwback, and I can’t get enough of it (in my horror stories, not in my actual house). Brown carpet, yellow walls, microwave dinners and floral couches. It’s already scary without what happens next. It’s a little cheesy, a little gory, and a great little Christmasy horror story for you.

You see what I mean? It’s so gross and I can’t get enough.

Merry Christmas.

I’m happy to be on Substack. I’m happy to have you as readers. It’s been a great writing year and I’m looking forward to 2023. Thank you for sharing in the weirdness. I’ll see you on the flip side.