I have a cat with lymphoma and he's lived beyond the vets expectations. Every time his symptoms flare up I think, this is it.
Your has had such a love from you, I'm glad the last chapter of her life had you in it.
I kind of believe that pets come back to you, almost like familiars, same soul different body. Bill, who I have now, is so similar to a cat I had as child, Tiger. 🐾
I am so, so sorry to hear about your beloved cats suffering and illness. I hope your happy memories offer some consolation--little though it may be in this time.
Very frequently kind strangers like myself will try to offer silver linings, as if you just need a change in perspective and you'll be happy again. I want to offer a thought, not because you need silver linings and certainly not because grief is something that needs fixing. But this thought is one that helps me get by every single day. Maybe--if not now--it can help you too some day.
So all that as prelude, take what is helpful from this thought and discard what is not.
More than ghosts--I believe in Angels. I believe Angels represent the love of God--that is why we have guardian angels--and I believe anything we pour love into is visited by an angel as well. So as a consequence I believe that all the love, care, and mercy you poured into Cake has been received by an Angel. And one day--we are permitted to hope--you will be reunited with Cake in heaven, but you will also get to speak to Cake's angel.
A lot of times we think about all the love, care, and mercy we poured into our pets, and forget to think about all the love, care, and mercy we received back from them. They are precious gifts. They are gifts that last eternally.
I am sorry for your loss, and thank you very much for sharing this deeply personal essay. I will be praying for you.
Shaina, OhmyGod. This essay had me worried I was going to cry. And then I did. I spent the last 5 years mourning the disappearance of one of my cats. I wrote about him as my Substack first entry. But after he was gone I realized I identified a great deal with him and perhaps that was why I was so upset still about his disappearance. And it has opened a portal of regret about many other animals I've had. I'm not sure why I am doing this to myself. Self punishment, I guess, for past selfishnesses. So, yes, your essay mattered to me. Something I noticed though that got my attention. Much of the essay is concerned with the effects Cake had that could be seen as more negative, from the vomiting, to the questionable lack of voice. I am Buddhist. And the kind of Buddhism I follow scrutinizes oneself and others religiously, in the pursuit of self-awareness. So please forgive this transgression into your motivations. (Ack. Why am I doing this? I guess to provide any insights you may gleen, to aid in your own self awareness.) I was struck by the feeling that perhaps you focused on this listing of negative traits because were you to acknowledge the good ones, it would hurt too much. So you try to convince yourself and your readers that really, you maintained some distance emotionally from Cake because of the negative traits. I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel bad. If this is too much I'll refrain from such comments in the future. Our relationships with animals throughout our lives is ultimately, intensely about ourselves. However, at times a clarity exists where you see them and they see you and at such times we exist together in an almost sacred way. Because our relationships with people are so multivalanced and laden. Even the most insignificant ones escape our understanding. But our animals give us the gift of their companionship. My Runcible (my cat's name) haunts me. I see his form from the corner of my eye as he dashes after a moth. I feel his back against my own as I emerge from sleep. And whether this is his "real" ghost or not, I feel Runcible with me and in the suchness of such moments, that is all that matters.
My condolences from my family to yours. Thank you for sharing. 🥰 I never know how much I loved my cat Wednesday 'til she last days. Her soul lingered around the house for a few months then I couldn't feel the linger anymore. Not she where her beautiful soul went after either. Sending hugs!
Thanks for sharing. Especially the candid parts where you weren't perfect. I really felt that. We lost our grey shorthair, Polly, just two days ago. We fostered her for a friend who was struggling. She peed everywhere (Polly, not the friend). She was clingy. She was in constant need of running water. She was plagued with health problems. But, she loved unconditionally. I'm convinced Heaven is just for pets, not people. Maybe Cake and Polly will meet there and talk about how hard we were to love, but how it was all worth it.
I wanted to add that my dog lost his eye to glaucoma. I missed the window because I was out of town and 2 out of the 3 vets didn't know what the problem was. The hardest part was seeing him in pain, watching him suffer. I ultimately spent the money to have the surgery and I don't regret it. Pets are a special gift. I'll be thinking of Cake, wishing her to be free of any pain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved pet's struggles. Cats are gentle souls who bless countless lives with joy, peace, and love. It hurts to see them in pain and at death's door. I truly believe that we will get to be with our pets again, in a place free of pain and heartache where we can enjoy happiness and love together forever.
I have a cat with lymphoma and he's lived beyond the vets expectations. Every time his symptoms flare up I think, this is it.
Your has had such a love from you, I'm glad the last chapter of her life had you in it.
I kind of believe that pets come back to you, almost like familiars, same soul different body. Bill, who I have now, is so similar to a cat I had as child, Tiger. 🐾
Condolences, Shaina. Thank you for sharing your cat's story. She sounds like a gentle survivor.
I hope, too. I am in tears over this beautiful tribute and am unbearably sad for your loss. I send you much love and Cake much love and peace.
I am so, so sorry to hear about your beloved cats suffering and illness. I hope your happy memories offer some consolation--little though it may be in this time.
Very frequently kind strangers like myself will try to offer silver linings, as if you just need a change in perspective and you'll be happy again. I want to offer a thought, not because you need silver linings and certainly not because grief is something that needs fixing. But this thought is one that helps me get by every single day. Maybe--if not now--it can help you too some day.
So all that as prelude, take what is helpful from this thought and discard what is not.
More than ghosts--I believe in Angels. I believe Angels represent the love of God--that is why we have guardian angels--and I believe anything we pour love into is visited by an angel as well. So as a consequence I believe that all the love, care, and mercy you poured into Cake has been received by an Angel. And one day--we are permitted to hope--you will be reunited with Cake in heaven, but you will also get to speak to Cake's angel.
A lot of times we think about all the love, care, and mercy we poured into our pets, and forget to think about all the love, care, and mercy we received back from them. They are precious gifts. They are gifts that last eternally.
I am sorry for your loss, and thank you very much for sharing this deeply personal essay. I will be praying for you.
I'm very sorry for your loss, but this was an extremely powerful story. Well done.
Shaina, OhmyGod. This essay had me worried I was going to cry. And then I did. I spent the last 5 years mourning the disappearance of one of my cats. I wrote about him as my Substack first entry. But after he was gone I realized I identified a great deal with him and perhaps that was why I was so upset still about his disappearance. And it has opened a portal of regret about many other animals I've had. I'm not sure why I am doing this to myself. Self punishment, I guess, for past selfishnesses. So, yes, your essay mattered to me. Something I noticed though that got my attention. Much of the essay is concerned with the effects Cake had that could be seen as more negative, from the vomiting, to the questionable lack of voice. I am Buddhist. And the kind of Buddhism I follow scrutinizes oneself and others religiously, in the pursuit of self-awareness. So please forgive this transgression into your motivations. (Ack. Why am I doing this? I guess to provide any insights you may gleen, to aid in your own self awareness.) I was struck by the feeling that perhaps you focused on this listing of negative traits because were you to acknowledge the good ones, it would hurt too much. So you try to convince yourself and your readers that really, you maintained some distance emotionally from Cake because of the negative traits. I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel bad. If this is too much I'll refrain from such comments in the future. Our relationships with animals throughout our lives is ultimately, intensely about ourselves. However, at times a clarity exists where you see them and they see you and at such times we exist together in an almost sacred way. Because our relationships with people are so multivalanced and laden. Even the most insignificant ones escape our understanding. But our animals give us the gift of their companionship. My Runcible (my cat's name) haunts me. I see his form from the corner of my eye as he dashes after a moth. I feel his back against my own as I emerge from sleep. And whether this is his "real" ghost or not, I feel Runcible with me and in the suchness of such moments, that is all that matters.
I hardly know you...yet you drove me to tears.
Keep up the good...the world need more tears of gratitude.
My condolences from my family to yours. Thank you for sharing. 🥰 I never know how much I loved my cat Wednesday 'til she last days. Her soul lingered around the house for a few months then I couldn't feel the linger anymore. Not she where her beautiful soul went after either. Sending hugs!
- Lora Jacqueline
I'm sorry about Cake. It sounds like gave her a good life.
I am so sorry. I had to put our 21 year old calico,Miranda, down 3 years ago. Pets have a way of working their way onto our hearts.
I'm so sorry. It never gets any easier. I lost my Belle to cancer last year, and I'm still not ready to move on.
You gave Cake all the love she deserves, and she knows that.
Sending lots of love to Cake and to you and your family.
Thanks for sharing. Especially the candid parts where you weren't perfect. I really felt that. We lost our grey shorthair, Polly, just two days ago. We fostered her for a friend who was struggling. She peed everywhere (Polly, not the friend). She was clingy. She was in constant need of running water. She was plagued with health problems. But, she loved unconditionally. I'm convinced Heaven is just for pets, not people. Maybe Cake and Polly will meet there and talk about how hard we were to love, but how it was all worth it.
So sorry to hear about this, Shaina. Thank you for sharing.
I wanted to add that my dog lost his eye to glaucoma. I missed the window because I was out of town and 2 out of the 3 vets didn't know what the problem was. The hardest part was seeing him in pain, watching him suffer. I ultimately spent the money to have the surgery and I don't regret it. Pets are a special gift. I'll be thinking of Cake, wishing her to be free of any pain.
So sorry to hear about Cake. Thank you for sharing.
I'm so sorry to hear about your beloved pet's struggles. Cats are gentle souls who bless countless lives with joy, peace, and love. It hurts to see them in pain and at death's door. I truly believe that we will get to be with our pets again, in a place free of pain and heartache where we can enjoy happiness and love together forever.